I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
