I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
