I think I just saw someone hide a body.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize