hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
