She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
