dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
