Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how does that bad decision feel?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
