my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
