Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
