apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The adults are the big ones right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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