I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
