It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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