Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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