after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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