so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
