She's JV to your varsity
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
