the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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