I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
