I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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