Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
