I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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