i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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