I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
