I don't remember. Are we still dating?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
