yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
