rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize