would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize