If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
