You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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