He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
