well I can't set my house on fire every night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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