Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
