Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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