I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
