I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
