I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
