OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
