I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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