make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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