I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
