he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
