There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
