I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
