i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
