Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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