You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Vodka?
Forever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
