Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
