At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize