You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
