Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
