highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
