I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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