I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
