since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
