Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
