I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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