Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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