Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
