I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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