i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize