I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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