I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
